Empathy and Fitness

After listening to a podcast this week I have been thinking a great deal about what has come to be known as the ‘fat acceptance movement.’ The podcast is from “This American Life” and is called ‘Tell Me I’m Fat.’ I also happened to go to the movies to see X-Men Apocalypse. They may not seem like a logical pairing, but they both share a common thread, which is the importance of empathy. 

The Eye Of The Beholder

On “This American Life” they dedicated an hour to the idea of whether or not we should think differently about being fat. One segment was about a woman who lost over 100 lbs and managed to keep it off. What stuck in my mind was what she said about becoming thinner (not a direct quote, I’m paraphrasing): “When I was fat, I worked so hard for the things I wanted and never got them. When I was thin it came with ease. That made me sad. It made me realize that it wasn’t me that was being treated well – I could be anyone. All that mattered was that I was thin. I think the fat version of me was a better person.” She even went on to say that she felt like she had betrayed the fat version of herself. As if that person worked hard to do the right things, to overcome people’s negative stereotypes, and the thin version of herself basically killed off the fat version in favor of the easier route.

Wow – I don’t know about you, but that hits me deep down. It’s a real change in perspective. Which brings me to X-Men Apocalypse and in particular to one character, which is Professor Xavier. What defines Xavier is his boundless empathy. He’s telepathic, so he quite literally is able to step into people’s shoes and see the world from their perspective. When you watch him interact with people he seems to follow a 3 step modus operandi:

1) Accept the person that is in front of you

2) Understand their motivations and their struggles

3) See the best in them and help them to find it for themselves

So to bring it together, it is these tenets of empathy that really form the essence of what ‘fat acceptance’ is about.  The starting point for anyone, but especially for fitness professionals, needs to be an acceptance of the person in front of you and a desire to help them tap into the best that they have to offer. It should not be about trying to change them or make them into something that we individually or societally have decided they ought to be.

What we have too much of right now is judgement. Sometimes it’s overt, by scorning people that we deem to be too fat, and sometimes it’s more subtle, like saying that people with too much body fat are a burdon on our medical system and therefore by extension a drag on the economy. Not to mention the constant presentation of one particular body aesthetic in media and entertainment.

Empathy And The Fitness Myth

There is a myth in fitness that anyone can achieve any goal. If you look just a little deeper, what you realize is that what is actually driving that myth is the idea that everyone should look a certain way. There is a standard in place that is completely pervasive. This is where we lose our path.

Here is where empathy comes in. Acceptance should not imply that one person is deciding to be ok with someone else inspite of their shortcomings. On the contrary, the point is that shortcomings are in the eye of the beholder. In other words, we must endevour not to project opinions about how someone should be onto them. We should see and hear where they are, and guide them towards maximizing their best, if that is what they wish to do. Refraining from judging is no easy task, because we all do it. The key is to recognize it and to try to set it aside, to the best of our abilities.

How We Can Make Change

What we can do to help turn this around is strive to follow the example of the Professor. Rather than judge people and then seek to change them, we need to embrace them and then assist them in finding the best that they have to offer. Rather than looking at fitness as the avenue for meeting some imposed aesthetic standard, we can view it as a way to keep ourselves at our own, individual best.

Step one is to take the emphasis off of weight and weight loss. Weight is not always a determinent of overall health. We can get stronger, improve endurance, improve flexibility, and be fit without necessarily losing weight. And each of those goals is important, and something that is good for you no matter who you are.

Professionals can also put more emphasis on teaching skills and strength building, rather than chasing aesthetics. Exercisers need to be guided towards looking at the big picture and understanding that health and fitness is a way of living that is long term and far reaching. We should be process oriented and systems based.

Conclusion

I think we are already moving in that direction. The conversations are becoming more often, both in and outside the fitness field. But there is still a lot more to do to move the conversation forward. I’m confident though, that it will.

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